Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
