OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
