I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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