Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
