he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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