how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
