She went from zero to smokin in five shots
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize