i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
