Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
