I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
