Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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