he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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