oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
