Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
