He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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