now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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