She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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