HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
