I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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