a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
