I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
her facebook's as public as her vagina
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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