there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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