What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
