I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
