I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
