Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
