So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Watching her eat just hurts me
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
