You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Someone shit on the floor
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
