I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
