it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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