how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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