do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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