need another drink. this is the easiest way
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
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