So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
