I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
