i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
