he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
barbara walters just said penis...
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
