do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
