can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
