You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
