I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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