ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
