Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize