hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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