Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
