dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
