I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
