No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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