just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
