I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
