Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
