Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Just invented taco cereal.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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