dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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