I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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