i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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