thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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