just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
