Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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