just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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