you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
