well I can't set my house on fire every night
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize