WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
