Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
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