I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
