I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize