i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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