last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
As shirtless as possible
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
