You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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