It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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