I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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