I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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