Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
