I bet he comes in French.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I party with great urgency now.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
