im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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