As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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