Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
