drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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