There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I smell like Dick and happiness
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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